[Ugh. She's not good at talking about this shit. The fact that she's even considering trying is evidence of the fact that he's important to her, especially considering the last time she talked about her feelings with fucking anybody, they were pulled out of her without her consent, and she's still not even sure they were her feelings.]
[Just because she's trying doesn't mean it's gonna come out right. She just can't guarantee that. It scares her.]
the fact that i know anything about your life at all isn't because you decided it was okay. it's because this place cheats. stuff you want to keep secret gets thrown out for people to pick over whether you like it or not. you couldn't stop that other version of yourself from telling me shit, because it didn't feel real to him. that's cheating.
i just
[ugh]
if it had to happen i'm glad it was me, because i'm not like some of these people who think it's only fair to spill your guts to whoever happens to be sitting next to you on the bus. i wouldn't have EVER brought it up if you hadn't gone all weird and quiet when we were talking about it.
so — do you want to tell me? like actually want to. if you do, then i want to hear it. but i don't want you to tell me just to satisfy my curiosity. that's not what [caring about someone means] i want.
cw emotional abuse
look
[Ugh. She's not good at talking about this shit. The fact that she's even considering trying is evidence of the fact that he's important to her, especially considering the last time she talked about her feelings with fucking anybody, they were pulled out of her without her consent, and she's still not even sure they were her feelings.]
[Just because she's trying doesn't mean it's gonna come out right. She just can't guarantee that. It scares her.]
the fact that i know anything about your life at all isn't because you decided it was okay. it's because this place cheats. stuff you want to keep secret gets thrown out for people to pick over whether you like it or not. you couldn't stop that other version of yourself from telling me shit, because it didn't feel real to him. that's cheating.
i just
[ugh]
if it had to happen i'm glad it was me, because i'm not like some of these people who think it's only fair to spill your guts to whoever happens to be sitting next to you on the bus. i wouldn't have EVER brought it up if you hadn't gone all weird and quiet when we were talking about it.
so — do you want to tell me? like actually want to. if you do, then i want to hear it. but i don't want you to tell me just to satisfy my curiosity. that's not what [caring about someone means] i want.