[It's a lot to take in. Not the luck stuff; that actually makes sense, is close enough to the rules of work that she knows to feel easy to grasp. No, what's overwhelming is having years of life events pushed at her at once, great and terrible yanking her in one direction or another. For someone who deliberately distances herself from almost everyone, empathizing this hard all at once is exhausting. It was exhausting even reaching out. Now she wants to sleep or scream or go find him or hide or something.]
[But when she pushes through, she gets it. Finally. She sees the difference. Closes her eyes and feels herself ease, tip to toe, with the relief of a problem solved.]
i get it. i get it now. why this didn't make sense to me. it's because i've never had anything bad happen to me because of bad luck. when bad things happen to me it's because somebody decides to do them. when good things or neutral things happen it's because i got out of the way, or decided to do something myself. that's why.
but if things happen to you like that, it makes sense that hope matters. because it's a cycle. you can just outlast the bad shit. right?
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[But when she pushes through, she gets it. Finally. She sees the difference. Closes her eyes and feels herself ease, tip to toe, with the relief of a problem solved.]
i get it. i get it now. why this didn't make sense to me. it's because i've never had anything bad happen to me because of bad luck. when bad things happen to me it's because somebody decides to do them. when good things or neutral things happen it's because i got out of the way, or decided to do something myself. that's why.
but if things happen to you like that, it makes sense that hope matters. because it's a cycle. you can just outlast the bad shit. right?