[Man. She's really going to have to talk to him about not calling her Lila-san after she's had her tongue in his mouth.]
[She wants to tell him everything, as much as she's ever wanted to tell anyone everything. It occurs to her that it might actually be easier if he'd seen Cassel before, even if she would have hated it too. It would be a starting point. But — no, this is okay. Maybe better. She can make her own starting point now, the way she decides to, centered around what's most important to her right now. Something she can't articulate without explaining the big picture.]
you remember i was wearing gloves when you met me? and i kept wearing them until after the first fog, when it got hard to like. stay solid.
everybody wears those where i come from. there's magic where i come from, magic that can destroy people, but somebody has to touch you with their hands to do it, so everybody covers them, even people who don't work — have magic. not wearing gloves can get you arrested. it's like walking down the street naked but worse. big taboo.
nobody here does that or even seems to have heard of it. it really freaked me out at first. i — there was a protest i went to once where people had their gloves off but besides that i've never seen that happen. you were the first person i saw other than that crazy cult guy, and your hands weren't covered either. so i should have been freaked out and i was a little but
[She's holding her breath, as though she's saying all of this out loud and just needs to get it out as quickly as possible.]
i still touched your hand.
i still don't know why i did that. it was really stupid. but it felt like i should and you needed it so i just didn't think.
and i wanted to tell you. i wanted you to know. and just
no subject
[She wants to tell him everything, as much as she's ever wanted to tell anyone everything. It occurs to her that it might actually be easier if he'd seen Cassel before, even if she would have hated it too. It would be a starting point. But — no, this is okay. Maybe better. She can make her own starting point now, the way she decides to, centered around what's most important to her right now. Something she can't articulate without explaining the big picture.]
you remember i was wearing gloves when you met me? and i kept wearing them until after the first fog, when it got hard to like. stay solid.
everybody wears those where i come from. there's magic where i come from, magic that can destroy people, but somebody has to touch you with their hands to do it, so everybody covers them, even people who don't work — have magic. not wearing gloves can get you arrested. it's like walking down the street naked but worse. big taboo.
nobody here does that or even seems to have heard of it. it really freaked me out at first. i — there was a protest i went to once where people had their gloves off but besides that i've never seen that happen. you were the first person i saw other than that crazy cult guy, and your hands weren't covered either. so i should have been freaked out and i was a little but
[She's holding her breath, as though she's saying all of this out loud and just needs to get it out as quickly as possible.]
i still touched your hand.
i still don't know why i did that. it was really stupid. but it felt like i should and you needed it so i just didn't think.
and i wanted to tell you. i wanted you to know. and just
thank you. for not proving me wrong.
[Again.]