luckless | [RYSLIG] IC Inbox

I remember what's important.

[The words are firm, and even though Souda's attention is on his arms, Komaeda levels a hard look at his classmate.]

I... [His brow furrows,] in the simulation, when I did the Final Dead Room, I found out the truth about everything — about all of us, and what we did as the Ultimate Despairs.

[As Souda examines his arms, he winces. He's been trying his best to keep his bandages clean and changed, but it's still rather difficult when he's one-handed and living alone.]

What was I supposed to think when I saw you guys again? When I thought I was supposed to be dead, and I was sure I'd be taking all the Despairs down with me?

I dunno. I guess—

[Souda sighs, stopping to stare at that arm for a moment.]

I think I expected the same you we got to wake up from all that. The you that was one of us.

[Souda shrugs, going back to what he was doing. Sleeve rolled up over Komaeda's shoulder, now Souda can pick up that measuring tape.

He doesn't know, really, if despite the hangouts and class bonding Komaeda still might not have felt like one of them. It only makes sense to Souda to lump him in, though.]

But that's not how it is now.

[He presses the cold metal end of the tape to Komaeda's shoulder and guides it down the length of the arm.]

Edited (Me not paying attention to repeeeeated phrases) 2021-02-18 07:36 (UTC)

[At the touch of cold metal against his skin, Komaeda flinches—and while Souda's hands themselves are warm, just being touched alone has got him on edge. He fidgets in his seiza, but manages to keep still for his classmate's sake.]

Hah— [He exhales a sigh of his own,] congratulations to future me.

[It shouldn't sound so condescending, but the truth of the matter is...]

I apologize for not being the same version you remember, but as far as my memory serves... I've always been an outsider. I don't blame people for avoiding me, my luck tends to only cause trouble for others.

[It's for the better, anyways.

He still believes that—on some level—because he and Nanami had been together, his luck was the reason she had been captured by Junko in those final moments.]

There are only two people... who stubbornly tried to get close to me...

...Yeah, that all sounds right, actually. Just Nanami and Hinata, right?

[Souda notices the flinch and even flinches in return, laying the tape back down— but this time with the metal up against his claw, so it isn't touching Komaeda's skin.]

Whenever I was with you I'd end up busting my ass somehow. I didn't wanna be anywhere near you.

[Tape to the elbow, and Souda makes a mark on the paper, then back to measuring.]

But because of that... I'm probably the one who doesn't know anything about you.

[Komaeda lifts his gaze, and even though Souda's occupied with his work, he stares at the way those scales have begun to split his familiar face into unfamiliar patterns.]

What's there to know? I'm a boring guy, with supernatural luck that can hardly be called a talent.

[His lips press into a firm line as his gaze falls to that measuring tape again, watching it draw over the length of his arm.]

But, for as terrible as my luck can be... I'm grateful to it. Without it, I wouldn't have anything. I would have been a normal guy, with a normal life... definitely not having to think about turning into a monster and eating people.

Yeah, you keep saying that, but...

[Souda measures around Komaeda's arm at the shoulder, then around the middle, then, gingerly, careful of the bandages, the end of the arm.]

Like, what if it wasn't just Nanami or Hinata in the first place?

[But Souda and Komaeda are, again, thinking about two different Komaedas. And now, Souda's thinking about the Hinata from before, too. The one really none of them knew. Who really was on the outside, who became Kamakura.

And for that matter, if Souda hadn't been so apprehensive in the simulation— if he'd given him a chance, like even Sonia had, could things be different?

Souda's thought about it a lot while being here in Ryslig, especially over the past few days, and he's arrived at a conclusion he finds satisfying enough.

He shakes himself out of the stall he's fallen into, getting back on his knees to get on Komaeda's other side and measure the opposite arm in comparison.]

But, I can't change that. All I can say is—

Mnh. I'm sorry.

[When Souda asks: what if it hadn't just been Nanami or Hinata, he's not sure what to say. Even now, as foggy as those memories are, he thinks back to their time at Hope's Peak... and he wonders, was there ever an opportunity for there to be anyone else?

Maybe... at some point, there had been Mikan. In the simulation too, she had cared for him religiously, as twisted as her motives were.

But really, it's like pulling teeth to think of the people who had treated him like anything more than a stranger. And it's not even that he minds that fate—so why is Souda apologizing?]

You don't have to apologize, Souda-kun.

[It feels out of place. It makes him feel awkward, because even now—even knowing that Souda was an Ultimate Despair just like he was—he feels undeserving of it.]

I mean, just the fact that you would do something like this for me...

[He shifts beneath his classmate's touch, twisting his arm as needed to help him get the measurements.]

No... even just helping me in the arcade, that was more than enough.

So don't apologize... it feels strange.

It's my right as a man— no, my duty as a man to take responsibility for my mistakes! So shut up already.

I was an asshole. Maybe all of us were assholes, but it doesn't mean I wasn't.

[He shifts strangely so he can cross his legs where he sits; on the arm Komaeda does have, there's gonna be a lot more of those shorter measurements to jot down, so he rests the notes he's recording on his knee while he works.]

It's a man's duty to take care of his team, too. Even if it means fixing your arm.

[At first he's surprised, but then a huff of laughter winds from Komaeda, and his solemn expression cracks with a smile.]

What's with that?

[Still, it feels good to be looked after, like he really is part of that team Souda mentions—even if it's only three-people strong.

But as those finer measurements are taken of his hand, he has to keep himself from pulling his arm back. He just hopes all of this awkward touching is over soon.]

Then, I'm sorry too. For being a jerk... and also trying to kill you.

[You know... just in case he hasn't said that, yet.]

I'll take it.

[The only reason he isn't getting awkward over it is through hyperfixating on Komaeda's arm as though it were a machine. He measures knuckle to knuckle, knuckle to fingertip, and Komaeda's palms too, scratching down centimeter notes with every one.

Notably, he's been laying the measure down twice for each.]

At least it didn't end up working. And if we got you guys out, that has to mean we can find Nanami's code in there somewhere, too.

[They'll never have the real Nanami back... but the A.I. was a person of her own, too.]

We can't change anything we've done. But we can always 'repair the now'. That's my favorite magazine's motto, y'know? 'Repair the now'.

You get it?

[The conversation is a good enough distraction from the way his skin itches with all the touching. At least this situation isn't too awkward. Komaeda is just... bearing with it for now.

Still, the thought of pulling Nanami's code... well, if it weren't for his memories of what happened, he wouldn't have even known the A.I. from the real one, would he? His gaze follows the meticulous movements of Souda's hands.]

You know, Souda-kun... I thought this before, but... you're kind of dorky, aren't you?

[He shouldn't be smiling about it, but he's really smiling about it.

Too bad for Souda that he keeps talking.]

But if you were able to pull Nanami-san's code, you could make a body for her... something like a Mechanami... that's like "repairing the now," isn't it?

You could definitely do it.

[At the first comment, Souda flinches, brows creasing and frowning in a way that isn't his usual contempt at Komaeda's comments. No, the almost-worried expression suggests perhaps he's thinking to himself, perhaps he is being kind of dorky? Was that a dorky thing to say?

But Komaeda continues, and Souda's luckily distracted enough. He'll think about it later and probably sour about it again.]

Huh... yeah, come to think of it, I could. It would take a long time, there wasn't really anything to work with...

[The previous contemplative look is replaced with a fascinated one, almost manically so. The past few years outside of the simulation, he really has been pursuing every project he damn well pleases, no matter how dangerous or unreachable.]

Hell, I could probably even make a mini-bot while we're here...

[Whether it shows on his face or not, Komaeda makes note of that: easiest way to distract Souda is with a project idea.

He flexes his fingers under his classmate's touch, resisting the urge to pull away when it tickles, and instead just pressing his mouth into a thin line.]

The technology here is kind of old... all the TVs are in black and white...

[Which reminds him, just what is Souda planning for his arm?]

Can you even get the parts for a robot here? Let alone an arm? I mean... a non-functional prosthetic would be just as useful as my last arm was... Actually, even a stump has more uses than you would think!

[Now who's got a weird, fascinated look?]

You'd be amazed how long ago people were making these kinds of machines.

[He measures twice around Komaeda's wrist, and—]

There we go.

Look— Look at this one.

[He puts the tape down to pick up one of the simpler looking schematics, pointing at the individual parts.]

You don't even need a battery for some of this stuff. These pads get pushed flexing your arm, and that causes these pulleys here to respond in specific ways, flexing the fingers. And then once we get a hold of a battery, that's when those movements can really get smooth!

[The more Souda goes on about it, the more he lights up.]

Retro technology is amazing! There's no way an amateur programmer like me could create an A.I. with tech this behind, but we're really getting into the age of automation here! It's like a blank canvas for robots!

[He's... not even trying to sound like he's not drooling over it. Maybe... maybe he just really wants to make a robot arm, actually.]

[At first, the ranting takes him by surprise, but as Souda shows him the schematics—guiding his gaze—Komaeda's brows lift with curiosity.

They're much more detailed that he had initially realized, because without a guiding eye, they just looked like complex drawing. Yet, as Souda's finger traces the images, stopping at one mechanism or another, Komaeda kinda... gets it.

His gaze lifts, and rather than the drawings, he watches the way excitement blooms across his classmate's face the more he talks. After a moment, a soft laugh winds from his lungs, and seemingly out of nowhere it probably sounds like Komaeda might tease him again, but—]

You're really passionate about this stuff, aren't you?

[He wonders what it must be like to be good at something. Really good at something. To be passionate about a hobby... or, he supposes it's more like a job now for Souda.]

Well, you can build whatever you want. I'm not really picky.

[Komaeda pauses, with his gaze falling to his bandaged arm.]

I trust you.

[That gets a sort of slackjawed expression from Souda for a moment as he sits there with the papers in his hand like a robot processing a new command. It's weird, like, Komaeda laughed and usually Souda takes that as condescending, but it was more of a laugh like Giorno's when they first met. And then he went and said he trusts him. It's a lot at once.]

Ah— Yeah. Cool.

[Wow, impressive response. Souda leans back away enough to look over the schematics again and, rather than focus on the awkwardness of it all, and remembers that he can also conveniently change the subject—]

Hey, these are yours. I already ate.

[He slides the little container Makoto's food is in toward Komaeda.]

[It's probably for the best that Souda doesn't really say much more than that, because if he did, then even Komaeda would start to feel awkward. What's so bad about trusting the Ultimate Mechanic with building you a new arm???

But he accepts the container of sandwiches that slides his way, and plops it into his lap soon after.]

You said Makoto-san made these, right? I'll have to thank her later...

[He opens the container's lid and pulls out a sandwich. Then, between his one hand and his teeth, he unwraps it from its protective tin foil to take a bite.]

Hmm... what kind of stuff does she like? [He speaks around his mouthful before swallowing.] Do you know, Souda-kun?

Well, I dunno what she likes to eat, but, she does like to punch stuff...

[He kind of quiets a little, staring ahead very seriously, reminding himself never to make Makoto angry. Then he scoots away enough on his rear so that he can lay his schematics down on the floor and start annotating them according to the measurements he's taken.]

She called herself a 'normal' girl, and I dunno if being an idol really counts as normal, but, she always wears like... girly stuff, y'know?

[He pauses mid-way through another note before he mentions, less-obnoxiously-dreamily than usual, at least—]

The kind of girls that just like to look cute and girly... It totally makes sense that Sonia would like a girl with that kind of aesthetic.

[She... she likes to punch stuff??

Well, that's not the weirdest thought. Owari was always looking for a fight—but the way Souda frames it, it doesn't sound like Makoto's quite like their classmate. And when he met her, wasn't she rather timid?]

I thought you would know her well since you live together, but could it be... [His words trail as he stops himself before he can finish that thought. He probably shouldn't accuse Souda of letting his obsession cloud his view of others, even if it's probably true.] ...Never mind.

[Rather, Komaeda stares down at Souda where he's hunched over and cocks his head to look at the marks being jot down on that piece of paper.]

Don't you think it's time to give up, Souda-kun? I mean, Sonia-san has a girlfriend... and she's even rejected you enough times to make you look like a stalker.

If anything, it really shows how wonderful she is for remaining friends with you after all that!

[Souda twitches almost like he's been stabbed in the back, tail sticking out straight for a moment before curling around his side. He stops marking things down, instead flipping the pen between his fingers a few times with his nerves.

Things have already changed! But, he has to remind himself, Komaeda doesn't know that. How could he, when Souda can't even put into words how they've changed, anyway? It isn't just because of Despair, either— it's being here, it's the Imposter Sonia, it's Makoto. Everything's different.

And through it all, Sonia's still so important. Maybe more important than she was before, even if it's important in a different way.]

I never said I was gonna get in their way.

[He huffs a sigh through his nostrils, going back to scribbling.]

That doesn't... That doesn't mean I'm not gonna feel how I feel, though.

Sonia's amazing. That's that. A-and it wasn't that... bad...

[It... was a little worse on the island than it was in school, maybe. but everyone's an embarrassing freshman! Right? R-right???]

[As Souda fidgets, Komaeda's gaze remains unsettlingly steady upon him.]

I wasn't accusing you of getting in their way.

[His reply comes in sharp and short, but the expression he wears is... curiosity, maybe? Like he's still trying to figure out why Souda is so obsessed with Sonia. The reality is, he doesn't get it, but that's likely due to circumstances he won't address more than anything else.

Komaeda pulls his legs out from under him, only to bring his knees to his chest while he continues to nibble bites off of his sandwich.]

Is it a selfless love, then? Like... you don't expect it to be returned, but you want to give it your all?

[At least if it were something like that, then Komaeda could understand it a bit better.]

[Souda stops writing again, then, staring at the page, halted by Komaeda's question.]

...I dunno.

I just want...

[To be useful? To protect her? To protect them both?

Souda really isn't sure, and that frustrates him even more than Komaeda asking him in the first place. His tail swings and thumps against the wall behind him, which seems to startle him for a moment.]

Dude, I dunno! What kind of question is that, anyway?

Isn't it a normal one?

[What Souda? Bros don't just ask each other about their weird love-obsessions??

But really, Komaeda does look confused, as if he feels like this really is a normal question to ask. Or a normal topic to even needle someone about. The depth and awkwardness is a bit lost on him, and it shows in the way that he tilts his head as if he's a dog trying to listen a bit better.]

It's just that... we don't really know much about each other, Souda-kun. As far as I know, you just like machines and Sonia-san... and I don't really understand machines much, so I'm asking about your other passion.

[He pauses before taking another chunk out of his sandwich.]

I'm glad that you don't creep her out now though, back in the simulation, it was always a bit uncomfortable... don't you think?

[Souda might like to focus on how Komaeda's just opened up the idea that Souda doesn't properly know these people, but instead, he's distracted by that last comment.]

Wh— No! I mean— yeah, maybe, it's—

E-everyone's embarrassing when they're a freshman, okay!

[The room might start to feel a little hotter with Souda's fluster.]

It wasn't... that bad... in school.

Y-you just don't remember.

Embarrassing is one thing, but weren’t you being actively avoided before?

[And that went beyond just freshman year, too. That was in the simulation, which is still pretty recent for him.]

But I guess that really just goes to show how far you’ve come! Isn’t that good, then?

[A short gust of laughter winds from his lungs, but with the growing heat in the already cloistered air between them, he’s tugging at the scoop neck collar of his shirt.]

Um... Souda-kun? I’m sorry if I upset you... but please don’t burn down my apartment?

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, NAGITO KOMAEDA. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 004.28.777.00 * MrBrightside has joined 004.28.777.00 <MrBrightside> Hello there! This is Komaeda. <MrBrightside>** I'm grateful that you want to talk to me.

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im so sorry

same

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