[RYSLIG] IC Inbox

[luckless]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, NAGITO KOMAEDA. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 004.28.777.00 *** MrBrightside has joined 004.28.777.00 <MrBrightside> Hello there! This is Komaeda. <MrBrightside> I'm grateful that you want to talk to me.

Anonymous username(s): < Triple7 > < BlueRam >

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[luckless]

[That Lila has had sex already doesn’t surprise him, not really. Even if it had been enjoyable, he wouldn’t even feel the needling sensation of jealousy between his shoulder blades. He wonders for a moment if that would bother Lila, too—-that he isn’t jealous.

But instead, he focuses on her last few sentences entirely too much; and it pulls a grin across his face that’s at once embarrassed and coy.]

Are you saying I make you lose control?

[Its a question he feels is important, even with how playful it is. Lila doesn’t lose control, and to have that power over her, well… it feels good.]

[gitanes]

[That's the funny thing. She'd done it that one time to make somebody jealous. Normally this would be the kind of thing she'd expect a reaction from, but . . . it's Komaeda. If anything, she's concerned he'll just feel like shit about it. So this — maybe if it was someone else she'd be bothered, but the fact that he doesn't turn it in on himself right away, or at least doesn't appear to, is a relief.]

[The question is a relief, too. This is easier, more familiar ground, even though it's also revealing in its own way. She fusses with her response a bit before sending it.]

yeah

that's kind of the point

the only reason i haven't been more in your face about it is because i was freaked out that i'd just embarrass myself. you make me feel as real as i ever do but part of that means letting go, and it's hard to let go and stay real at the same time.

it's worth it, though. to let myself just kind of. get carried away i guess. you're good at that. i would've fucked you on the beach that time if we could've gotten away with it, i was losing my mind.

[Oh apparently only so much tenderness is allowed during this conversation. Quota met.]

[luckless]

Even if you let go, or if you stop being solid, you're still real to me Lila. You'll always be real... and even if it doesn't go perfectly, I'm sure there are things we can do as monsters we can't do as humans, too.

[Because after body-sharing, he's had a few thoughts on the subject in the back of mind.]

Well, I was naked for the majority of that beach trip! That certainly would've made it easy. [He laughs, audibly, before he continues.] And you looked so nice in that swimsuit... I can't say the thought didn't cross my mind, when we kissed.

[.............]

I wish I could touch you right now.

[gitanes]

i mean, yeah. like if you need help figuring out how your penis works or anything.

[Look, she's been thinking about that, it's fine.]

seriously thanks. i think i'll be okay but it helps that you're [nice to me] not uptight about it

i wish you could too. but i kind of always wish that. you're distracting. especially when you get carried away like that.

[luckless]

I know how my dick works, Lila...

[Should he have to tell her this?? He's basically been "self-exploring" this whole time, too.]

Is that a good thing though? That I get carried away...? You're the first person to tell me that.

Usually, when I get caught up in the things I want, people will tell me that I'm crazy... or that I'm selfish. That they hate that side of me.

[gitanes]

ok you just told me five minutes ago you were still trying to figure out how it works so. honestly kind of a relief cuz if you just spent six months NOT i'd be worried

i mean, sometimes it freaks me out, but only when it's you getting carried away by shit like . . . not being worth anything, or wanting to sacrifice yourself, that kind of thing. that just scares me because i want you to be okay. but in general it's pretty hot. i like when you go after the things you want, especially when they're me.

[luckless]

[Yeah. Right. He didn't clarify—]

I meant that I know how to jerk off! I'm pretty sure every guy does!

I don't know how it works anatomically, as in, it goes away and comes out of... a cloaca, I think? I thought only birds had them, but maybe fish do, too? But that also means there's some... inner parts to it.

[Is this awkward? Getting into the machinations of his monster bits? Anyways,]

So... do I have permission to do what I want, then?

[gitanes]

i don't know, you never talk about that shit like most guys do so i wasn't sure if you were just really private about it or had weird hangups.


huh

that sounds kind of fun actually. [Apparently Lila does not find this awkward.]

you never didn't have permission to do what you want. as long as you don't treat me like shit but you know better than that anyway. sooooo is there something you want, or is this a hypothetical question?

[luckless]

[It's probably closer to hang ups, he realizes, because no one has ever really shown interest in him before.]

I get sexual urges, I'm just not used to someone feeling the same way about me. All the people I liked before they, well... I was pushier with them than they were with me.

I'm still just getting used to being liked, I think. Normally, my feelings are more one-sided, and it's almost more comfortable that way.

[But he doesn't want one-sided. He wants to love and be loved, normally. Now that he can be. Now that he doesn't have to worry about Ultimate Luck, and the world ending with despair.]

But I want to touch you, and kiss you, and hold you. So... if you're fine with it being me, let's have sex!

[gitanes]

[That's fucking adorable. God. She really has to find another word that means the same thing, this is hard.]

it's okay if you push a little. i'll tell you if i don't like it, but i don't

i don't know
i guess i just
you don't treat me like guys usually treat me
you're careful with me?
so i'm not worried
if that's how you treat me normally then i don't think you'll push me far enough that it's not fun anymore

i trust you. so let's have exclamation point sex!