[It was a completely transparent bluff. Komaeda wasn't truly trying to hide his feelings from Atem, not when he wears them so plainly, even with a face that can only manage the nuance of expressions. But even with all of the walls coming down between them, it still feels like too much, too fast. Like their relationship is currently on a speedrun, because Atem's brush with Despair has pressed a fast-forward button.
Komaeda doesn't dislike it, per se, but maybe deep down he knows that the longer he stalls this out, the more likely he'll be able to keep Atem by his side—and maybe convince him otherwise of his world ending plans.
For now, though, he focuses on the fingers that trail down his throat. Claws barely scrape his scales, tickle close to the tender flesh around his gills that flare outward, as if they're shivering. The blue flush that claims his skin crawls lower, coloring in the wake of Atem's touch.]
My next wish... Is to know what you've imagined doing with me.
[A pause, and then he clears his throat, tearing his gaze away from Atem's.]
It doesn't have to be dirty, or anything! I just... Want to know what you've imagined being in a relationship together to be like.
I think about...how, instead of fighting with you, I could kiss you instead. It makes me want to get a little rough...I want to push you around, but you don't make it too easy. I want to leave bite marks, so you don't forget what happened, or that I did it. I want to pull your hair!
[He gazes up at Komaeda then, and the look in his eyes is full of surprisingly sincere longing for such a violent confession.]
I want to fight...the kind of fight we both win.
[And then, maybe Atem would hold Komaeda the way Komaeda wants.
Then, though, Atem looks down and away.]
Besides that...I want you along with me, beside me, while I dig my hands into Ryslig and pull out all the good things it has, one last time. I wouldn't want to if I were alone...but, with you by my side, I do. It's only worth it if I experience it with you...
[He brings his froggy feet up closer to himself, Komaeda's tail tucked between thighs and torso, and rests his arms on his knees.]
So...traveling together, as more than friends. That's what I've imagined.
[Atem wants to fight. He wants to leave marks and claim his ownership... Something obvious and in your face, something that loudly exclaims to the world—mine.
Komaeda swallows again, and though they remain cuddled close between his tail and the tender curve of Atem's arm around his waist, he's grateful to be looking away with embarrassment already. Surely, if he had been looking the other in the eyes when he said all of that, he would've died.
It's not just about a playful competition, though. Atem wants them both to win, for them both to have fun. Whether it's something dirty, dangerous... Or something like this, where it's both of those things, while also being something softer...
He can still feel his heart racing, and the way his mouth is getting drier, despite the water that still clings to their scales. Of all the people Atem would want to be with right now, he only ever wanted... him? It's like a sensory overload, to hear words of such deep affection, that it fills him with a loathing for all the months he spent in the Sea of Stars.
If only he could've returned sooner.]
...I like it when you bite me. [He admits, though it had only ever been his wrist the one time.] And I like playing games with you. I like that we can both go all out, and we don't have to worry, as long as we keep our hearts and bodies safe.
[Komaeda, with great effort, wills himself to return his gaze to Atem's. Beneath the heavy furrow of his brow, his eyes look like deep pools of water.]
[The reproach in Atem's tone isn't harsh, but it is unyielding.
Atem still has no intention of allowing forever to happen. This is stolen time, borrowed, a ticking clock before Ryslig burns, the breath in before the trigger is pulled. The retort is a gentle (for him, for this situation) reminder that his mind hasn't changed and that that's a wish that won't be granted just as much as it's a reminder of the game's rules, if not more so. Komaeda's gaze is captivating, beautiful, but its pull isn't enough to divert Atem from the gravity-well of absolute hopelessness that has him in its grip.
Komaeda can wish for that, when his turn comes around again...but it won't get him anywhere. It'll be a symbolic move, but nothing else.]
[Despite the tone Atem taking being one that isn't overly harsh, Komaeda seems to shy away with it, regardless. Perhaps he was getting ahead of himself.
At the end of the day, he doesn't want Atem to suffer—but he also knows this isn't the right path. A path of world-ending despair doesn't truly promise hope at its end. Especially not when it's wrought by the hands of someone who's currently so much like his past self.
Komaeda turns his gaze away from Atem, and looks down at his lap, where his thumb has been rubbing circles over the face of one of the gold coins. He stares at it a moment longer, and then sets it aside in the sand.]
[The atmosphere doesn't make Atem really want to ask more personal questions, yet...so, his next request is something different.]
Come to Amusement Mile with me. That's my wish! I've been waiting to go on a date with you for too long, and there's no point to the clothes I put you in if we spend all our time swimming.
[But his tone is still a little less enthused than it was a moment before—he can't help his growing upset at the thought that these moments will have an end.
For Atem's sake, though, he'll try not to dwell on it for too long. It does mean, however, that he's going to unwrap his tail from around the other's hip so that he can get up and walk himself over to where he'd left his folded clothes.]
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no subject
Komaeda doesn't dislike it, per se, but maybe deep down he knows that the longer he stalls this out, the more likely he'll be able to keep Atem by his side—and maybe convince him otherwise of his world ending plans.
For now, though, he focuses on the fingers that trail down his throat. Claws barely scrape his scales, tickle close to the tender flesh around his gills that flare outward, as if they're shivering. The blue flush that claims his skin crawls lower, coloring in the wake of Atem's touch.]
My next wish... Is to know what you've imagined doing with me.
[A pause, and then he clears his throat, tearing his gaze away from Atem's.]
It doesn't have to be dirty, or anything! I just... Want to know what you've imagined being in a relationship together to be like.
no subject
[He shuts his eyes.]
It's a bit dirty.
I think about...how, instead of fighting with you, I could kiss you instead. It makes me want to get a little rough...I want to push you around, but you don't make it too easy. I want to leave bite marks, so you don't forget what happened, or that I did it. I want to pull your hair!
[He gazes up at Komaeda then, and the look in his eyes is full of surprisingly sincere longing for such a violent confession.]
I want to fight...the kind of fight we both win.
[And then, maybe Atem would hold Komaeda the way Komaeda wants.
Then, though, Atem looks down and away.]
Besides that...I want you along with me, beside me, while I dig my hands into Ryslig and pull out all the good things it has, one last time. I wouldn't want to if I were alone...but, with you by my side, I do. It's only worth it if I experience it with you...
[He brings his froggy feet up closer to himself, Komaeda's tail tucked between thighs and torso, and rests his arms on his knees.]
So...traveling together, as more than friends. That's what I've imagined.
[And, you know, the dirty stuff.]
no subject
Komaeda swallows again, and though they remain cuddled close between his tail and the tender curve of Atem's arm around his waist, he's grateful to be looking away with embarrassment already. Surely, if he had been looking the other in the eyes when he said all of that, he would've died.
It's not just about a playful competition, though. Atem wants them both to win, for them both to have fun. Whether it's something dirty, dangerous... Or something like this, where it's both of those things, while also being something softer...
He can still feel his heart racing, and the way his mouth is getting drier, despite the water that still clings to their scales. Of all the people Atem would want to be with right now, he only ever wanted... him? It's like a sensory overload, to hear words of such deep affection, that it fills him with a loathing for all the months he spent in the Sea of Stars.
If only he could've returned sooner.]
...I like it when you bite me. [He admits, though it had only ever been his wrist the one time.] And I like playing games with you. I like that we can both go all out, and we don't have to worry, as long as we keep our hearts and bodies safe.
[Komaeda, with great effort, wills himself to return his gaze to Atem's. Beneath the heavy furrow of his brow, his eyes look like deep pools of water.]
I wish we could stay like this forever, Atem-kun.
no subject
[The reproach in Atem's tone isn't harsh, but it is unyielding.
Atem still has no intention of allowing forever to happen. This is stolen time, borrowed, a ticking clock before Ryslig burns, the breath in before the trigger is pulled. The retort is a gentle (for him, for this situation) reminder that his mind hasn't changed and that that's a wish that won't be granted just as much as it's a reminder of the game's rules, if not more so. Komaeda's gaze is captivating, beautiful, but its pull isn't enough to divert Atem from the gravity-well of absolute hopelessness that has him in its grip.
Komaeda can wish for that, when his turn comes around again...but it won't get him anywhere. It'll be a symbolic move, but nothing else.]
no subject
At the end of the day, he doesn't want Atem to suffer—but he also knows this isn't the right path. A path of world-ending despair doesn't truly promise hope at its end. Especially not when it's wrought by the hands of someone who's currently so much like his past self.
Komaeda turns his gaze away from Atem, and looks down at his lap, where his thumb has been rubbing circles over the face of one of the gold coins. He stares at it a moment longer, and then sets it aside in the sand.]
What's your question, Atem-kun?
no subject
[The atmosphere doesn't make Atem really want to ask more personal questions, yet...so, his next request is something different.]
Come to Amusement Mile with me. That's my wish! I've been waiting to go on a date with you for too long, and there's no point to the clothes I put you in if we spend all our time swimming.
no subject
Sure, anything you want, Atem-kun.
[But his tone is still a little less enthused than it was a moment before—he can't help his growing upset at the thought that these moments will have an end.
For Atem's sake, though, he'll try not to dwell on it for too long. It does mean, however, that he's going to unwrap his tail from around the other's hip so that he can get up and walk himself over to where he'd left his folded clothes.]
Is Amusement Mile far from here?