[The world cuts through his senses with a pneumatic hiss and the suddenness of a blinding, bright light. Komaeda can feel his head pounding, only made worse when his first instinct is to sit upright to figure out where he is. His lashes flutter, blinking a few times, and they feel so heavy he contemplates maybe going back to sleep... sliding back down into the pod-made-bed.
What was he dreaming about? It was him, and Souda, and Kuzuryuu... oh, but Souda died, didn't he? And Kuzuryuu... who was it that he last saw. Someone—Izuku Kamukura? No, it was World Destroyer. Right. What a weird dream...
He wants to just lay there, floating, but something obscures the light above him. Komaeda opens his eyes again and blinks the bleariness from his gaze, trying to get his eyes to focus on who it is exactly above him. Then he sees the outline of a familiar mop of hair, one that reminds him of a chestnut's burr.]
Hajime...? [He mutters, his voice thick with grogginess.] What's going on...
[Nagito's still coming to, so Hajime's voice probably shouldn't be this loud. But when you're this relieved, you're not going to speak quietly.]
[Hajime lets out the breath that he's been holding for... what does it feel like? Days? Months, even? Nagito's awake. That's Nagito's voice he's just heard. Nagito's awake enough to speak, to ask questions, to be aware of his surroundings... ...maybe Hajime's getting a little ahead of himself - Nagito's just woken up, after all, and barely so. It's possible he's not all here yet. But Hajime can't help but believe that it's going to be all right. That this is actually working. That they did it, he did it.
Hajime believes it so strongly that it's not even belief anymore. It's almost like knowledge. When he sees Nagito open his eyes and recognize him, when he hears Nagito call him by his name... Hajime doesn't believe, but actually knows - that everything will be all right, after all.
The short, shallow breaths of anxiety that Hajime's hardly been taking finally fall out of him in one big sigh. In the rush of it, he's almost laughing. There's a wide, relieved smile on his face, and in his eyes, and everywhere. He's holding out his hand.
He's holding out his right hand, encouraging Nagito to take it, so he can pull Nagito up and out of the pod. Out of the Neo World Program, back into the real world. The real world isn't a perfect world, but it's a world they're trying to fix, make right again, and Hajime knows Nagito would want to help with that. Hajime wants Nagito to help. This new world, this future, they're going to create it together.]
Hey, Nagito, it's-- it's all over now. Do you think you can you try sitting up?
[Everything has become a whirlwind of sensation. Hinata's voice that's slightly too loud, ringing in sharp pitches through his ears. The light that almost seems to grow brighter with how sterile it is—and then there's the sensation of touch, of life, of suddenly breathing again in a way that feels more real than it had in his dream. He's alive, they made it, and as he looks up at Hinata he knows the reason why.
From below, he can see the way eerie blue light shines up from the technology-lined floor and casts brilliant hues across Hinata's face. It's almost surreal, but Hinata did it, didn't he? Hinata... saved him.
With what little strength he has, Komaeda sits up in his pod, and he can feel the way his joints ache and his muscles protest with the sudden movement. How long had he been in there? In the simulation, and then his dream? It seemed to pass in the blink of an eye, and yet, it's been longer than that, hasn't it.]
My head hurts... [He exhales, as he thoughtlessly brings his hand up to take Hinata's.
But it's then that he notices what's attached to his arm, that... that isn't his hand. Suddenly it feels like his skin is crawling, like his body is rejecting what's attached to it. He pulls that hand back, that hand that isn't his, and his eyes widen with shock.]
Ah—! [He can't let Hinata take such a hand, he can't.] I can... I can get up by myself, just give me a minute Hajime...
[Hajime fully expected he'd be lifting Nagito out by the right hand, the one that's still Nagito's. But this isn't the one that Nagito raises. It's that hand. And the way Nagito does it... it makes Hajime think he's doing it on instinct, like this is the hand that he's used to using... Hajime tries not to pay it much attention. He goes on smiling like he doesn't notice. It doesn't have to matter.
But he can't expect Nagito to hoist himself out of the pod. His body's been immobile for months.]
It's all right. You probably a little stiff with all the inactivity. I mean, you've been in here a pretty long time...
[Longer than the others, but he can tell him that later. For now, he should focus on getting him out.
Coming closer to the right side of the pod, Hajime kneels down fully.]
Here. Can I...?
[With one hand resting on the rim of the pod, Hajime reaches for Nagito's good hand, and, after a moment of slight hesitation, takes it. It's cold, but not stiff - it's just soft, like it's gone numb. His own hand would be hot in comparison. He hopes that for Nagito, it's not too much all at once.
Careful not to tug on Nagito's hand, Hajime lifts it like it's sprained, then ducks his head under and guides the hand on to his shoulder, letting Nagito's arm drape along the back of his neck. The movements are slow, gentle, even tender. Later, he'll reflect that he's never been so close to Nagito before, but right now, his focus is on getting Nagito safely out of the pod.
Still, the awkwardness of being this close to Nagito is there, and his voice wavers with it.]
I-If you can try putting most of your weight on me... we can get you out quickly without it hurting too much. So...
[As Hinata frets over him—taking his hand as if he's some fragile, porcelain doll and leading him into his shoulder—Komaeda has to wonder if he has ever been treated so gently. His gut reaction is to push away, to put distance between them. Not because it's Hinata, but because he knows that with such good fortune coming his way, he knows it's only a matter of time until the bad luck follows.
Unfortunately, he doesn't have the strength to protest. So whether he wants to or not, Komaeda drapes his arm over Hinata's shoulder and leans into him. He's light, and when a supportive arm comes to wrap around his waist, it'll find that he's much skinnier than those baggy clothes would suggest. Under that thin cloth, the ridges of his bones feel like mountains and valleys have formed beneath his skin.]
Why are you doing this...? Why are you so happy to see me?
[He asks, as he shifts his hip, angling himself in a way where Hinata can lift him up out of the pod and onto his own two feet. Has Hinata always been so strong? Or maybe it's him that's just become so much more weak and frail.]
[So Nagito remembers, huh... When some of the others woke up, it was with only a few patchy memories of what had happened in the Neo World Program. There were even one or two who completely forgot they had died in the simulation by the time they were out of it... A pretty vocal part of Hajime had been hoping that Nagito would wake up with no memory of what he'd done on the fifth island, but Nagito remembers, and Hajime will have to work with that.
But he can. He's going to.]
I wasn't going to leave you. You know, I-- I wouldn't do something like that.
[Hajime's been saying this a lot recently. Some of the others, watching Hajime struggle to wake Nagito these past few weeks, had been convinced that Nagito just wasn't going to wake up at all, no matter what Hajime tried doing. Some had even begun encouraging Hajime to just let him be, to just give up. But Hajime wasn't going to do something like that. He wouldn't. He'd gotten all the others out of the sim. If he could do that for them, he would do it for Nagito, as well.
And, besides...
No, he can think about that later. Maybe even talk about it with Nagito, once Nagito's awake enough to really talk.
As it is, Nagito's heavily overslept, and... scarily light everywhere else, Hajime realizes, as he slings his other arm around Nagito's waist and gradually lifts him up. Nagito had been getting his nutrients through a tube since he first went into the pod, and he'd been in the pod a lot longer than anyone else was, but still, Hajime didn't expect him to be this skinny. It makes sense, but even so, it's confronting.
As Hajime helps Nagito out of the pod, all the tubes and wires that were connected to him are shedded from his body, all having been disconnected when the pod was shut off and opened. The headband is still around Nagito's head, but that'll come off easily, once Nagito's ready for the feeling of fingers on his forehead, behind his ears, at the nape of his neck, on his face. It'll be more sensation than he's had in a long time - it might be too much all at once, if Hajime isn't careful with his timing.
Hajime rises slowly, unfolding his legs from underneath himself, encouraging Nagito's to do the same. He pauses when he reaches his full height, to catch his breath, to let Nagito find his.
He can't begin to explain why he's so glad to see Nagito right now. He will, once Nagito is ready to hear it. But for now, Hajime keeps silent, and lets Nagito focus on reorienting himself to the real world.]
[As he settles onto his feet, Komaeda suddenly feels both weightless and as if he's five hundred pounds heavy all at once. He can feel his knees shake and buckle beneath him, and as Hinata's hands support him, he's forced to keep his good hand on the other's shoulder just so he doesn't collapse right there. His bony fingers dig into the other boy's shoulder, his weak grip shaking as he steadies himself even as Hinata rises up to his full height.]
Haah... you're a fool, Hajime. [Komaeda huffs, even if his expression looks more pained than it does angry. How is it that even now, he can't even summon the courage to be angry? After he died in the simulation, after he was forced to live in that false world where he wished for talent to disappear, even after Hajime rescued him via World Destroyer... he couldn't be angry.]
Of course you wouldn't give up on trash like me, you're just that sort of guy. A stupid Reserve Course student who sticks his nose where it doesn't belong...
[His brow furrows, but he bows his head forward, ready for those hands to unhook him from the headband that's still attached to him. His left hand or rather, the left hand attached to him, is hugged to his middle like a shameful item being kept away from Hinata. But amidst the swirling despair of all the evil he has perpetuated, the murder game in the simulation, and his pitiful dream—Komaeda can still feel the flicker of hope that resides within him.
Suddenly, his face feels hot. It feels like it's on fire, and he can feel the sting of tears in his eyes. His shoulders tense, up towards his ears, as beads roll down his cheeks.]
[Hajime rolls his eyes a little where Nagito can't see, but not out of annoyance or irritation. He's never liked hearing Nagito put himself down, but right now, he's almost - weirdly - relieved to hear it. Nagito still sounds like himself, still is himself - he's still Nagito, still definitely the Nagito who Hajime met on Jabberwock Island, the Nagito who Hajime became... well, not exactly friends with, or close to, but...
Whatever he and Nagito did become during their time in the simulation, Hajime can only hope it'll translate well into the real world. Maybe it'll even strengthen from here on? If he and Nagito can get even closer from here onward, then... Hajime's chest surges at the thought.
--Or maybe it's-- seizing?
Because when he glances at Nagito, he sees that-- that Nagito is--
Okay, this is not good. This is seriously not... Thinking that Nagito's just overwhelmed by the light and sound (in the way Mahiru and Mikan were - they also came out of their pods in tears), Hajime half-walks, half-carries him to one of the chairs beside the monitors. It's a swivel chair on wheels, so it rolls and turns a little as he eases Nagito into it. Not wanting Nagito to be any more over-stimulated than he already is, Hajime grips the armrest of the chair, keeping it as still as he can.
The blue light of the monitor gleams along the side of Nagito's face, along the wet line left by the first few tears. Not looking away from Nagito, Hajime's reaching across the desktop for the box of tissues someone silently left him a few days ago.
But there's nothing sticking out of the box that he can grab, and putting a hand through the plastic opening, his fingers touch only cardboard. Surprised, he glances at the tissue box. When did the tissues run out...? He glances back at Nagito.]
Sorry, I don't have... [He trails off. What did Nagito just say?] Hey. Nagito. Don't... don't talk like that. As if I-- as if we'd just leave you behind. You're-- [Hajime creases his brow. He can handle hearing Nagito pick on himself, but this, he's not going to tolerate, or even listen to.] You're not worth anything less than anyone else is, all right? So there's no way we'd ever just give up on you. That's-- I, I can't believe you'd even think that...!
[But it's like Nagito wanted them to give up on him. The tears won't stop. ...For a moment, and not for the first time, Hajime regrets that he and Nagito aren't closer - because if they were, the lack of tissues wouldn't be a problem. Hajime could just take his hands to the sides of Nagito's face, and smooth the tears away himself.
But they're not so close that Hajime can do that. So Hajime keeps one hand on the armrest of the chair, and the other on the edge of the desk.]
[Placed in that office chair, Komaeda sinks into it as if he's a limp doll. His head rolls to one side, his arms—no, just his left arm—rests bonelessly in his lap as Hinata continues to fuss over him. On some level, he's happy.
Despite not knowing what happened after he died in the simulation, they made it out, and he knows that only Hinata would be able to pull it off. Or was it Kamukura? Was Kamukura still inside of Hinata, even now? He raises his tearful gaze to meet the one that stares down at him with worry creasing its brow. Komaeda notices only then that Hinata's eyes are mismatched.]
What's with that...? [The words are a soft huff of mocking laughter, and despite the tears that still roll down his cheeks and cling to his long lashes, Komaeda forces a weak smile across his face.] Getting so worked up over the guy who tried to kill you... you really are an idiot, Hajime.
[Still, his good hand curls into the fabric of Hinata's shirt with a grip that refuses to let go. This warmth, this attention. Is it okay to be selfish? Is it okay to use it to fight that despair that's toiling away within him? It's with that grip that Komaeda pulls himself forward and smears his face across Hinata's shoulder, wiping his tears off with the thin cotton.]
Stop making that face, Hajime... If you don't I...
[He'll what? Get the wrong idea? He closes his eyes, the words, just barely on the tip of his tongue... Komaeda swallows them down, and pats his hand against that firm, supportive shoulder.]
...Everyone's going to make fun of you, Mr. Reserve Course.
...Like I said, that doesn't matter anymore. Even if you tried to kill me, I-- I wasn't about to let you die. And--
[He's cut off. His words, his thoughts, it's all cut off and shut up when his shirt is grabbed and tugged at-- Nagito's hand is right there and pulling on the fabric, pulling it toward him, or pulling himself toward it--? Nagito's hold is so close to the left of Hajime's chest that Hajime almost thinks it's like-- and then Nagito's face is right there, on Hajime's shoulder. Against it, nose pressing in.
Is Nagito using his sleeve as a-- yeah, he is. Smudged across the fabric, Nagito's tears seep damply through, and Hajime feels them like warm fingertips on the skin of his shoulder.
He swallows. He has no idea what to say. What face does Nagito think he's making? He... he doesn't even care.]
Does it matter if they do? I don't have to listen to them if I don't want to.
[If Nagito's making a joke, Hajime's completely missing it. Even with his head full of talent, Hajime's still not great at catching social cues. But he's not even in the mood for jokes right now - he wants Nagito to take him seriously when he says:]
...Anyway, I don't think they'd do something like that, not when they know how much time I spent trying to wake you up.
[For now, Komaeda keeps his face in Hinata's shoulder, and from that spot he can feel the way the other's voice rumbles in his throat. It's visceral, almost too real. They didn't have a skinship within the simulation, but still, it almost seems like... for a moment, he hasn't woken up at all.
Komaeda lifts his head, gazing past Hinata's shoulder and towards the far wall. This room is lined with all kind of unrecognizable things. Wires and tubes and pods, all emptied, with his own being the most recent edition. This chair that he sits in, was it brought in for Hinata? Those tissues, too.
How long had he been waiting? Hoping? He said months, right?]
That's why Sleeping Beauty was woken up with a kiss, you know.
[It's a tasteless joke, one that only earns a short huff of laughter from Komaeda as he says it, but then he pushes himself off of Hinata's shoulder. His gaze is lowered, no, averted. He can't really meet those hopeful eyes, can he? What does Hinata want from him, expect from him? He believes in a Komaeda of the past, probably.]
Anyways... I'm sure everyone else disagreed with waking me up, and now you're asking me to face them again... you really like putting people in difficult situations, don't you?
[He pauses, waiting out the silence for a few seconds.]
Well? Are you going to help me back up? Take responsibility... since you wanted me back so badly.
[This joke, Hajime does catch, and he-- doesn't laugh, exactly, but does let out a series of short, broken sighs that would sound like laughter if they weren't completely noiseless.
His thoughts are just as quiet - he isn't about to tell Nagito that he's right, that the others were encouraging Hajime to give up on Nagito for a while there. But--]
Since when did I ask you to face them again?
[Frowning, Hajime brings his hands around the back of Nagito's head, feeling through the thin - feathery? soft? ...no, this is not the time, so just thin for now - strands of hair.
Fingers locating the clasp at the center back of the headband, Hajime unfastens it with a soundless click, and the headband comes apart in a ribbon of metallic strips. Hajime sets it, undone, on the table, making a mental note to put it away later.]
I'm not about to make you do something you don't want to do. The others can wait, if you want them to.
[Putting Nagito in an uncomfortable situation is the last thing he wants to do-- no. He doesn't even want to do it.
And it probably would be uncomfortable. Nagito's right. As much as Hajime would like to say that everyone would be glad to see Nagito again, he's not about to lie to him.
He's not about to lie to him, which means he's not going to refute that last thing, either. Wanted him back so badly, huh...? Hajime smiles - a little ruefully, because even though Nagito's right, and Hajime did want him back, he didn't expect Nagito to turn it into a taunt.
...He's not sure exactly what Nagito has in mind, but if Nagito really wants him to take responsibility...
He comes around Nagito's right hand side, and encourages Nagito's hand and arm back on to his shoulders. Instead of guiding Nagito to his feet, though, Hajime scoops his other arm under the bend in Nagito's legs and tries lifting him out of the chair. It's a little embarrassing - for Nagito - but if Nagito's going to tease Hajime like that, it's-- it's not undeserved.]
[It probably shouldn't feel nice—Hinata's fingers, combing through his hair—but it does. The gentle way they thread through his hair has his skin prickling in gooseflesh as he awkwardly sits there, waiting to be disconnected from the remaining wires.]
You say that, but everyone will avoid me anyways.
[This time, he doesn't laugh. There's something lonely about the words, or maybe it's bitterness. With the new, uneasy combination of all his memories, there's a part of him that knows better now; but there's still that part shrouded in the dark, the part that wishes he had succeeded—or at the very least, stayed in a coma. Perhaps everyone else has ways of life they can return to, but not him.
No, right now, this is probably the unluckiest situation ever.
Komaeda doesn't have much time to wallow in that self-pity, though. Rather, before he even realizes it, Hinata's putting his arm around his shoulders again; but before Komaeda can try to hoist himself up with that anchor, Hinata scoops him up into his arms. A sharp yelp of surprise escapes him, his eyes suddenly blown wide as his pallid face darkens with his embarrassment.]
W-Wait, Hajime! [He smacks his limp left hand against the other boy's chest in protest,] p-put me down, what if someone sees? I'm not an old man, you know!
[He doesn't mean to tighten his grip on Nagito's legs and torso, but he can't help it, he's so tense. And not just because he's has to keep his back and arms upright, or his chest braced against each smack of the hand.]
I'm not-- You're the one who said you wanted me to--!
[It really doesn't matter to Hajime if someone sees, though - by this point, it's probably no secret to them how he... um, how he feels about Nagito. In fact, he'd be surprised if they didn't know... He's never said anything, but the effort he'd been putting into trying to wake Nagito up, the way he'd stayed up late in the pod room on most nights, skipped social gatherings and parties just to spend more time working on safely disconnecting Nagito from the Neo World Program... all of that should have made it obvious. Makoto and Byakuya had even seen him get overwhelmed by frustration and cry more than once...
After all that, he thinks he might actually want the others to see him like this, with Nagito in his arms, Nagito, finally awake and breathing open air, legs and arms and life no longer locked beneath the seal of metal and glass...
Is this too much, though? Though having Nagito this close feels kind of nice, Hajime doesn't want this if Nagito doesn't.
He sighs with effort, and lowers the arm that's slung under Nagito's legs, letting Nagito's feet settle down on to the floor of the pod room.]
...Sorry, I didn't...
[He didn't ...what? He didn't mean to start carrying Nagito? Obviously he did - a whole person wouldn't just end up in your arms like that. What is he even trying to say? ...he keeps talking, though he has no idea where he's going with this...]
I-I... We, um, I should--
[Dammit, he'd better find something to say before long, or things are going to get pretty quiet and pretty awkward pretty quickly. Think think think... He grits his teeth, as if that's going to make his brain work any faster.]
You... you haven't eaten anything for months, right? [He knows that, so why did he phrase it like a question?!] And you haven't drunk anything either. ...We should probably get you something first...
[His arm is still around Nagito's back, but he's not sure whether Nagito wants him leave it there or take it away. Just ask, Hajime, it's not like it's a weird question to ask, especially not after you just lifted him up with both arms... ...sheesh, what a stupid idea that was...]
Can you... Do you have the strength to walk on your own, or um, do you need to lean on me...?
[Luckily for Hinata, Komaeda isn't paying attention to that awkward stammering. Instead, his own mind is preoccupied by how close they suddenly are. The warmth of their bodies, the strength of Hinata's arms, the scent of summer sweat—everything is almost... too much. His heart is hammering away within his chest so hard that Hinata's words are drowned out by the sound of his pulse in his ears. He can feel how hot his face is, and this time, it isn't because of tears.
He remembers his own words, echoed in the simulation, spoken almost like a goodbye before they had made it out of Grape house. He wonders if Hinata remembers that awkward confession, or if he really did believe that it had been just about his hope?
Before he realizes it, Komaeda's feet are touching the ground again. As soon as the soles of his shoes connect with the floor, it's like he's suddenly remembered how to breathe again, and Komaeda relaxes somewhat.
He didn't hate it... he was just... surprised, is all.]
Here... [Komaeda keeps his good arm wrapped around those shoulders, and sighs as he hooks his limp hand with Hinata's arm, guiding it to his waist.] Just... support me, okay?
[His face still feels like it's on fire. He's probably redder than a cooked crab, but... he actually doesn't care if Hinata sees.]
You've got a lot of guts, Hajime... I'll give you that. [He chuckles,] who just picks up another dude, bridal style?
[...Hajime's cheeks are turning red, rapidly. Quiet for a moment, he swallows, his pulse flickering in his palms. Nagito is guiding Hajime's arm to his waist, like-- like they're about to dance, together, and it's such a gentle, intimate gesture, one that Hajime's never received before, that it almost makes Hajime glad to have set Nagito back down.]
I-It's not about having a lot of guts or anything... You wanted me to help you up, so I thought... [He lets out a short sigh.] Sorry. I should have realized it might make you feel uncomfortable.
[As he takes heavy, supportive steps toward the door, it comes to Hajime's awareness that his hand is pressing flatly into Nagito's side, rigidly, like Hajime's trying to pushing him off. Which, obviously, he definitely isn't trying to do, and wouldn't even consider doing right now - but if Hajime's hand was any more rigid than this, Nagito might actually think Hajime's trying to push him back.
Picking up Nagito was surprisingly easy enough, but keeping his hand where Nagito's taken it and set it? On Nagito's waist? He almost wants to drop his hand away, because he-- he's worried it won't be long until his hand starts easing into Nagito's side, as it really wants to - and though Hajime knows he'll be able to stop himself from doing anything weird, a part of him really does want to draw his thumb in circles, and small spirals, along Nagito's side.
He wants to, but he won't. He can't. This isn't the time for that. The most he can do right now is support Nagito, keep him steady and from falling, as he leads him to the mess hall for something to eat and drink. It's well past midnight, so the lights should be off and there shouldn't be anyone else there, which is ideal right now.
Hajime walks Nagito through the frame between the pod room and the corridor, and heads in the direction of the hall. Underfoot, the lino makes a squeaking sound every few steps or so, and the light overhead is a huge, white glare on the eyes. Even Hajime's squinting a little.]
Sorry about the lights. I'd turn them out, but they come on automatically and the switch is in the boiler room... I can see, though, and I know where we're going, so, um. If you want to shut your eyes and trust me to lead the way, you-- you can. We should be in the hall pretty soon.
...Uh, but if I'm going too fast, or you want to pause for a moment, just say so and I'll stop, okay?
So caught up in his fluttering feelings and bashful retelling of things Komaeda had, wholly, assumed would forever stay in the dark, he doesn't realize what's going on with Atem until he's already being taken by the jaw. It startles him, only for a split second, as the surprise that widens his already overlarge eyes by a fraction quickly melts away to reveal something else.
There's a hot spark of excitement running under his skin like a current, only fueled more by how intense the look that Atem wears is. Did he enjoy hearing such stories? It almost feels like a miracle. Komaeda has never really talked about his fantasies so boldly before, not even with Lila, so to see with his own eyes how well received they are mixes an odd sense of relief with his own greedy want for more of that. He wants to be desired and loved so badly, that it consumes him. More than that, the thought of being of use to the person he loves is...]
That's another question, [he tries to sound coy when he says it, but his own racing heart is undoing it so easily. When he swallows, he feels the way his jaw muscles tense under that commanding touch,] shouldn't it be my wish, now?
I can feel you swallowing, [says Atem, who, honestly, is taking all of this in like dry, cracked soil takes in the first few drops of rain. The sight, sound, feel of it disappears into Atem's mind and memory, pulled into him with attention that passes beyond attentiveness and into greed.] And your pulse. I can't hear it, like I can as a vampire...but I don't need to, as long as you let me touch you, right?
[Atem holds them there for a moment, feeling the fluttering heartbeat. He doesn't really like the idea of using Komaeda as a thing and not a person, but he good as has his answer...maybe he'll dig into it later. For now, though, he has to respect the rules....]
Okay. You're right -- it's your turn!
[His hand moves to let go, but not in any hurry; Atem's fingers trail down Komaeda's throat and collarbone before they finally break contact.]
[It was a completely transparent bluff. Komaeda wasn't truly trying to hide his feelings from Atem, not when he wears them so plainly, even with a face that can only manage the nuance of expressions. But even with all of the walls coming down between them, it still feels like too much, too fast. Like their relationship is currently on a speedrun, because Atem's brush with Despair has pressed a fast-forward button.
Komaeda doesn't dislike it, per se, but maybe deep down he knows that the longer he stalls this out, the more likely he'll be able to keep Atem by his side—and maybe convince him otherwise of his world ending plans.
For now, though, he focuses on the fingers that trail down his throat. Claws barely scrape his scales, tickle close to the tender flesh around his gills that flare outward, as if they're shivering. The blue flush that claims his skin crawls lower, coloring in the wake of Atem's touch.]
My next wish... Is to know what you've imagined doing with me.
[A pause, and then he clears his throat, tearing his gaze away from Atem's.]
It doesn't have to be dirty, or anything! I just... Want to know what you've imagined being in a relationship together to be like.
I think about...how, instead of fighting with you, I could kiss you instead. It makes me want to get a little rough...I want to push you around, but you don't make it too easy. I want to leave bite marks, so you don't forget what happened, or that I did it. I want to pull your hair!
[He gazes up at Komaeda then, and the look in his eyes is full of surprisingly sincere longing for such a violent confession.]
I want to fight...the kind of fight we both win.
[And then, maybe Atem would hold Komaeda the way Komaeda wants.
Then, though, Atem looks down and away.]
Besides that...I want you along with me, beside me, while I dig my hands into Ryslig and pull out all the good things it has, one last time. I wouldn't want to if I were alone...but, with you by my side, I do. It's only worth it if I experience it with you...
[He brings his froggy feet up closer to himself, Komaeda's tail tucked between thighs and torso, and rests his arms on his knees.]
So...traveling together, as more than friends. That's what I've imagined.
[Atem wants to fight. He wants to leave marks and claim his ownership... Something obvious and in your face, something that loudly exclaims to the world—mine.
Komaeda swallows again, and though they remain cuddled close between his tail and the tender curve of Atem's arm around his waist, he's grateful to be looking away with embarrassment already. Surely, if he had been looking the other in the eyes when he said all of that, he would've died.
It's not just about a playful competition, though. Atem wants them both to win, for them both to have fun. Whether it's something dirty, dangerous... Or something like this, where it's both of those things, while also being something softer...
He can still feel his heart racing, and the way his mouth is getting drier, despite the water that still clings to their scales. Of all the people Atem would want to be with right now, he only ever wanted... him? It's like a sensory overload, to hear words of such deep affection, that it fills him with a loathing for all the months he spent in the Sea of Stars.
If only he could've returned sooner.]
...I like it when you bite me. [He admits, though it had only ever been his wrist the one time.] And I like playing games with you. I like that we can both go all out, and we don't have to worry, as long as we keep our hearts and bodies safe.
[Komaeda, with great effort, wills himself to return his gaze to Atem's. Beneath the heavy furrow of his brow, his eyes look like deep pools of water.]
[The reproach in Atem's tone isn't harsh, but it is unyielding.
Atem still has no intention of allowing forever to happen. This is stolen time, borrowed, a ticking clock before Ryslig burns, the breath in before the trigger is pulled. The retort is a gentle (for him, for this situation) reminder that his mind hasn't changed and that that's a wish that won't be granted just as much as it's a reminder of the game's rules, if not more so. Komaeda's gaze is captivating, beautiful, but its pull isn't enough to divert Atem from the gravity-well of absolute hopelessness that has him in its grip.
Komaeda can wish for that, when his turn comes around again...but it won't get him anywhere. It'll be a symbolic move, but nothing else.]
[Despite the tone Atem taking being one that isn't overly harsh, Komaeda seems to shy away with it, regardless. Perhaps he was getting ahead of himself.
At the end of the day, he doesn't want Atem to suffer—but he also knows this isn't the right path. A path of world-ending despair doesn't truly promise hope at its end. Especially not when it's wrought by the hands of someone who's currently so much like his past self.
Komaeda turns his gaze away from Atem, and looks down at his lap, where his thumb has been rubbing circles over the face of one of the gold coins. He stares at it a moment longer, and then sets it aside in the sand.]
[The atmosphere doesn't make Atem really want to ask more personal questions, yet...so, his next request is something different.]
Come to Amusement Mile with me. That's my wish! I've been waiting to go on a date with you for too long, and there's no point to the clothes I put you in if we spend all our time swimming.
[But his tone is still a little less enthused than it was a moment before—he can't help his growing upset at the thought that these moments will have an end.
For Atem's sake, though, he'll try not to dwell on it for too long. It does mean, however, that he's going to unwrap his tail from around the other's hip so that he can get up and walk himself over to where he'd left his folded clothes.]
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[CLOSED]
What was he dreaming about? It was him, and Souda, and Kuzuryuu... oh, but Souda died, didn't he? And Kuzuryuu... who was it that he last saw. Someone—Izuku Kamukura? No, it was World Destroyer. Right. What a weird dream...
He wants to just lay there, floating, but something obscures the light above him. Komaeda opens his eyes again and blinks the bleariness from his gaze, trying to get his eyes to focus on who it is exactly above him. Then he sees the outline of a familiar mop of hair, one that reminds him of a chestnut's burr.]
Hajime...? [He mutters, his voice thick with grogginess.] What's going on...
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[Nagito's still coming to, so Hajime's voice probably shouldn't be this loud. But when you're this relieved, you're not going to speak quietly.]
[Hajime lets out the breath that he's been holding for... what does it feel like? Days? Months, even? Nagito's awake. That's Nagito's voice he's just heard. Nagito's awake enough to speak, to ask questions, to be aware of his surroundings... ...maybe Hajime's getting a little ahead of himself - Nagito's just woken up, after all, and barely so. It's possible he's not all here yet. But Hajime can't help but believe that it's going to be all right. That this is actually working. That they did it, he did it.
Hajime believes it so strongly that it's not even belief anymore. It's almost like knowledge. When he sees Nagito open his eyes and recognize him, when he hears Nagito call him by his name... Hajime doesn't believe, but actually knows - that everything will be all right, after all.
The short, shallow breaths of anxiety that Hajime's hardly been taking finally fall out of him in one big sigh. In the rush of it, he's almost laughing. There's a wide, relieved smile on his face, and in his eyes, and everywhere. He's holding out his hand.
He's holding out his right hand, encouraging Nagito to take it, so he can pull Nagito up and out of the pod. Out of the Neo World Program, back into the real world. The real world isn't a perfect world, but it's a world they're trying to fix, make right again, and Hajime knows Nagito would want to help with that. Hajime wants Nagito to help. This new world, this future, they're going to create it together.]
Hey, Nagito, it's-- it's all over now. Do you think you can you try sitting up?
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From below, he can see the way eerie blue light shines up from the technology-lined floor and casts brilliant hues across Hinata's face. It's almost surreal, but Hinata did it, didn't he? Hinata... saved him.
With what little strength he has, Komaeda sits up in his pod, and he can feel the way his joints ache and his muscles protest with the sudden movement. How long had he been in there? In the simulation, and then his dream? It seemed to pass in the blink of an eye, and yet, it's been longer than that, hasn't it.]
My head hurts... [He exhales, as he thoughtlessly brings his hand up to take Hinata's.
But it's then that he notices what's attached to his arm, that... that isn't his hand. Suddenly it feels like his skin is crawling, like his body is rejecting what's attached to it. He pulls that hand back, that hand that isn't his, and his eyes widen with shock.]
Ah—! [He can't let Hinata take such a hand, he can't.] I can... I can get up by myself, just give me a minute Hajime...
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But he can't expect Nagito to hoist himself out of the pod. His body's been immobile for months.]
It's all right. You probably a little stiff with all the inactivity. I mean, you've been in here a pretty long time...
[Longer than the others, but he can tell him that later. For now, he should focus on getting him out.
Coming closer to the right side of the pod, Hajime kneels down fully.]
Here. Can I...?
[With one hand resting on the rim of the pod, Hajime reaches for Nagito's good hand, and, after a moment of slight hesitation, takes it. It's cold, but not stiff - it's just soft, like it's gone numb. His own hand would be hot in comparison. He hopes that for Nagito, it's not too much all at once.
Careful not to tug on Nagito's hand, Hajime lifts it like it's sprained, then ducks his head under and guides the hand on to his shoulder, letting Nagito's arm drape along the back of his neck. The movements are slow, gentle, even tender. Later, he'll reflect that he's never been so close to Nagito before, but right now, his focus is on getting Nagito safely out of the pod.
Still, the awkwardness of being this close to Nagito is there, and his voice wavers with it.]
I-If you can try putting most of your weight on me... we can get you out quickly without it hurting too much. So...
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Unfortunately, he doesn't have the strength to protest. So whether he wants to or not, Komaeda drapes his arm over Hinata's shoulder and leans into him. He's light, and when a supportive arm comes to wrap around his waist, it'll find that he's much skinnier than those baggy clothes would suggest. Under that thin cloth, the ridges of his bones feel like mountains and valleys have formed beneath his skin.]
Why are you doing this...? Why are you so happy to see me?
[He asks, as he shifts his hip, angling himself in a way where Hinata can lift him up out of the pod and onto his own two feet. Has Hinata always been so strong? Or maybe it's him that's just become so much more weak and frail.]
I tried to kill you, you know.
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[So Nagito remembers, huh... When some of the others woke up, it was with only a few patchy memories of what had happened in the Neo World Program. There were even one or two who completely forgot they had died in the simulation by the time they were out of it... A pretty vocal part of Hajime had been hoping that Nagito would wake up with no memory of what he'd done on the fifth island, but Nagito remembers, and Hajime will have to work with that.
But he can. He's going to.]
I wasn't going to leave you. You know, I-- I wouldn't do something like that.
[Hajime's been saying this a lot recently. Some of the others, watching Hajime struggle to wake Nagito these past few weeks, had been convinced that Nagito just wasn't going to wake up at all, no matter what Hajime tried doing. Some had even begun encouraging Hajime to just let him be, to just give up. But Hajime wasn't going to do something like that. He wouldn't. He'd gotten all the others out of the sim. If he could do that for them, he would do it for Nagito, as well.
And, besides...
No, he can think about that later. Maybe even talk about it with Nagito, once Nagito's awake enough to really talk.
As it is, Nagito's heavily overslept, and... scarily light everywhere else, Hajime realizes, as he slings his other arm around Nagito's waist and gradually lifts him up. Nagito had been getting his nutrients through a tube since he first went into the pod, and he'd been in the pod a lot longer than anyone else was, but still, Hajime didn't expect him to be this skinny. It makes sense, but even so, it's confronting.
As Hajime helps Nagito out of the pod, all the tubes and wires that were connected to him are shedded from his body, all having been disconnected when the pod was shut off and opened. The headband is still around Nagito's head, but that'll come off easily, once Nagito's ready for the feeling of fingers on his forehead, behind his ears, at the nape of his neck, on his face. It'll be more sensation than he's had in a long time - it might be too much all at once, if Hajime isn't careful with his timing.
Hajime rises slowly, unfolding his legs from underneath himself, encouraging Nagito's to do the same. He pauses when he reaches his full height, to catch his breath, to let Nagito find his.
He can't begin to explain why he's so glad to see Nagito right now. He will, once Nagito is ready to hear it. But for now, Hajime keeps silent, and lets Nagito focus on reorienting himself to the real world.]
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Haah... you're a fool, Hajime. [Komaeda huffs, even if his expression looks more pained than it does angry. How is it that even now, he can't even summon the courage to be angry? After he died in the simulation, after he was forced to live in that false world where he wished for talent to disappear, even after Hajime rescued him via World Destroyer... he couldn't be angry.]
Of course you wouldn't give up on trash like me, you're just that sort of guy. A stupid Reserve Course student who sticks his nose where it doesn't belong...
[His brow furrows, but he bows his head forward, ready for those hands to unhook him from the headband that's still attached to him. His left hand or rather, the left hand attached to him, is hugged to his middle like a shameful item being kept away from Hinata. But amidst the swirling despair of all the evil he has perpetuated, the murder game in the simulation, and his pitiful dream—Komaeda can still feel the flicker of hope that resides within him.
Suddenly, his face feels hot. It feels like it's on fire, and he can feel the sting of tears in his eyes. His shoulders tense, up towards his ears, as beads roll down his cheeks.]
Why didn't you just give up on me...!
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Whatever he and Nagito did become during their time in the simulation, Hajime can only hope it'll translate well into the real world. Maybe it'll even strengthen from here on? If he and Nagito can get even closer from here onward, then... Hajime's chest surges at the thought.
--Or maybe it's-- seizing?
Because when he glances at Nagito, he sees that-- that Nagito is--
Okay, this is not good. This is seriously not... Thinking that Nagito's just overwhelmed by the light and sound (in the way Mahiru and Mikan were - they also came out of their pods in tears), Hajime half-walks, half-carries him to one of the chairs beside the monitors. It's a swivel chair on wheels, so it rolls and turns a little as he eases Nagito into it. Not wanting Nagito to be any more over-stimulated than he already is, Hajime grips the armrest of the chair, keeping it as still as he can.
The blue light of the monitor gleams along the side of Nagito's face, along the wet line left by the first few tears. Not looking away from Nagito, Hajime's reaching across the desktop for the box of tissues someone silently left him a few days ago.
But there's nothing sticking out of the box that he can grab, and putting a hand through the plastic opening, his fingers touch only cardboard. Surprised, he glances at the tissue box. When did the tissues run out...? He glances back at Nagito.]
Sorry, I don't have... [He trails off. What did Nagito just say?] Hey. Nagito. Don't... don't talk like that. As if I-- as if we'd just leave you behind. You're-- [Hajime creases his brow. He can handle hearing Nagito pick on himself, but this, he's not going to tolerate, or even listen to.] You're not worth anything less than anyone else is, all right? So there's no way we'd ever just give up on you. That's-- I, I can't believe you'd even think that...!
[But it's like Nagito wanted them to give up on him. The tears won't stop. ...For a moment, and not for the first time, Hajime regrets that he and Nagito aren't closer - because if they were, the lack of tissues wouldn't be a problem. Hajime could just take his hands to the sides of Nagito's face, and smooth the tears away himself.
But they're not so close that Hajime can do that. So Hajime keeps one hand on the armrest of the chair, and the other on the edge of the desk.]
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Despite not knowing what happened after he died in the simulation, they made it out, and he knows that only Hinata would be able to pull it off. Or was it Kamukura? Was Kamukura still inside of Hinata, even now? He raises his tearful gaze to meet the one that stares down at him with worry creasing its brow. Komaeda notices only then that Hinata's eyes are mismatched.]
What's with that...? [The words are a soft huff of mocking laughter, and despite the tears that still roll down his cheeks and cling to his long lashes, Komaeda forces a weak smile across his face.] Getting so worked up over the guy who tried to kill you... you really are an idiot, Hajime.
[Still, his good hand curls into the fabric of Hinata's shirt with a grip that refuses to let go. This warmth, this attention. Is it okay to be selfish? Is it okay to use it to fight that despair that's toiling away within him? It's with that grip that Komaeda pulls himself forward and smears his face across Hinata's shoulder, wiping his tears off with the thin cotton.]
Stop making that face, Hajime... If you don't I...
[He'll what? Get the wrong idea? He closes his eyes, the words, just barely on the tip of his tongue... Komaeda swallows them down, and pats his hand against that firm, supportive shoulder.]
...Everyone's going to make fun of you, Mr. Reserve Course.
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[He's cut off. His words, his thoughts, it's all cut off and shut up when his shirt is grabbed and tugged at-- Nagito's hand is right there and pulling on the fabric, pulling it toward him, or pulling himself toward it--? Nagito's hold is so close to the left of Hajime's chest that Hajime almost thinks it's like-- and then Nagito's face is right there, on Hajime's shoulder. Against it, nose pressing in.
Is Nagito using his sleeve as a-- yeah, he is. Smudged across the fabric, Nagito's tears seep damply through, and Hajime feels them like warm fingertips on the skin of his shoulder.
He swallows. He has no idea what to say. What face does Nagito think he's making? He... he doesn't even care.]
Does it matter if they do? I don't have to listen to them if I don't want to.
[If Nagito's making a joke, Hajime's completely missing it. Even with his head full of talent, Hajime's still not great at catching social cues. But he's not even in the mood for jokes right now - he wants Nagito to take him seriously when he says:]
...Anyway, I don't think they'd do something like that, not when they know how much time I spent trying to wake you up.
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Komaeda lifts his head, gazing past Hinata's shoulder and towards the far wall. This room is lined with all kind of unrecognizable things. Wires and tubes and pods, all emptied, with his own being the most recent edition. This chair that he sits in, was it brought in for Hinata? Those tissues, too.
How long had he been waiting? Hoping? He said months, right?]
That's why Sleeping Beauty was woken up with a kiss, you know.
[It's a tasteless joke, one that only earns a short huff of laughter from Komaeda as he says it, but then he pushes himself off of Hinata's shoulder. His gaze is lowered, no, averted. He can't really meet those hopeful eyes, can he? What does Hinata want from him, expect from him? He believes in a Komaeda of the past, probably.]
Anyways... I'm sure everyone else disagreed with waking me up, and now you're asking me to face them again... you really like putting people in difficult situations, don't you?
[He pauses, waiting out the silence for a few seconds.]
Well? Are you going to help me back up? Take responsibility... since you wanted me back so badly.
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His thoughts are just as quiet - he isn't about to tell Nagito that he's right, that the others were encouraging Hajime to give up on Nagito for a while there. But--]
Since when did I ask you to face them again?
[Frowning, Hajime brings his hands around the back of Nagito's head, feeling through the thin - feathery? soft? ...no, this is not the time, so just thin for now - strands of hair.
Fingers locating the clasp at the center back of the headband, Hajime unfastens it with a soundless click, and the headband comes apart in a ribbon of metallic strips. Hajime sets it, undone, on the table, making a mental note to put it away later.]
I'm not about to make you do something you don't want to do. The others can wait, if you want them to.
[Putting Nagito in an uncomfortable situation is the last thing he wants to do-- no. He doesn't even want to do it.
And it probably would be uncomfortable. Nagito's right. As much as Hajime would like to say that everyone would be glad to see Nagito again, he's not about to lie to him.
He's not about to lie to him, which means he's not going to refute that last thing, either. Wanted him back so badly, huh...? Hajime smiles - a little ruefully, because even though Nagito's right, and Hajime did want him back, he didn't expect Nagito to turn it into a taunt.
...He's not sure exactly what Nagito has in mind, but if Nagito really wants him to take responsibility...
He comes around Nagito's right hand side, and encourages Nagito's hand and arm back on to his shoulders. Instead of guiding Nagito to his feet, though, Hajime scoops his other arm under the bend in Nagito's legs and tries lifting him out of the chair. It's a little embarrassing - for Nagito - but if Nagito's going to tease Hajime like that, it's-- it's not undeserved.]
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You say that, but everyone will avoid me anyways.
[This time, he doesn't laugh. There's something lonely about the words, or maybe it's bitterness. With the new, uneasy combination of all his memories, there's a part of him that knows better now; but there's still that part shrouded in the dark, the part that wishes he had succeeded—or at the very least, stayed in a coma. Perhaps everyone else has ways of life they can return to, but not him.
No, right now, this is probably the unluckiest situation ever.
Komaeda doesn't have much time to wallow in that self-pity, though. Rather, before he even realizes it, Hinata's putting his arm around his shoulders again; but before Komaeda can try to hoist himself up with that anchor, Hinata scoops him up into his arms. A sharp yelp of surprise escapes him, his eyes suddenly blown wide as his pallid face darkens with his embarrassment.]
W-Wait, Hajime! [He smacks his limp left hand against the other boy's chest in protest,] p-put me down, what if someone sees? I'm not an old man, you know!
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[He doesn't mean to tighten his grip on Nagito's legs and torso, but he can't help it, he's so tense. And not just because he's has to keep his back and arms upright, or his chest braced against each smack of the hand.]
I'm not-- You're the one who said you wanted me to--!
[It really doesn't matter to Hajime if someone sees, though - by this point, it's probably no secret to them how he... um, how he feels about Nagito. In fact, he'd be surprised if they didn't know... He's never said anything, but the effort he'd been putting into trying to wake Nagito up, the way he'd stayed up late in the pod room on most nights, skipped social gatherings and parties just to spend more time working on safely disconnecting Nagito from the Neo World Program... all of that should have made it obvious. Makoto and Byakuya had even seen him get overwhelmed by frustration and cry more than once...
After all that, he thinks he might actually want the others to see him like this, with Nagito in his arms, Nagito, finally awake and breathing open air, legs and arms and life no longer locked beneath the seal of metal and glass...
Is this too much, though? Though having Nagito this close feels kind of nice, Hajime doesn't want this if Nagito doesn't.
He sighs with effort, and lowers the arm that's slung under Nagito's legs, letting Nagito's feet settle down on to the floor of the pod room.]
...Sorry, I didn't...
[He didn't ...what? He didn't mean to start carrying Nagito? Obviously he did - a whole person wouldn't just end up in your arms like that. What is he even trying to say? ...he keeps talking, though he has no idea where he's going with this...]
I-I... We, um, I should--
[Dammit, he'd better find something to say before long, or things are going to get pretty quiet and pretty awkward pretty quickly. Think think think... He grits his teeth, as if that's going to make his brain work any faster.]
You... you haven't eaten anything for months, right? [He knows that, so why did he phrase it like a question?!] And you haven't drunk anything either. ...We should probably get you something first...
[His arm is still around Nagito's back, but he's not sure whether Nagito wants him leave it there or take it away. Just ask, Hajime, it's not like it's a weird question to ask, especially not after you just lifted him up with both arms... ...sheesh, what a stupid idea that was...]
Can you... Do you have the strength to walk on your own, or um, do you need to lean on me...?
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He remembers his own words, echoed in the simulation, spoken almost like a goodbye before they had made it out of Grape house. He wonders if Hinata remembers that awkward confession, or if he really did believe that it had been just about his hope?
Before he realizes it, Komaeda's feet are touching the ground again. As soon as the soles of his shoes connect with the floor, it's like he's suddenly remembered how to breathe again, and Komaeda relaxes somewhat.
He didn't hate it... he was just... surprised, is all.]
Here... [Komaeda keeps his good arm wrapped around those shoulders, and sighs as he hooks his limp hand with Hinata's arm, guiding it to his waist.] Just... support me, okay?
[His face still feels like it's on fire. He's probably redder than a cooked crab, but... he actually doesn't care if Hinata sees.]
You've got a lot of guts, Hajime... I'll give you that. [He chuckles,] who just picks up another dude, bridal style?
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[...Hajime's cheeks are turning red, rapidly. Quiet for a moment, he swallows, his pulse flickering in his palms. Nagito is guiding Hajime's arm to his waist, like-- like they're about to dance, together, and it's such a gentle, intimate gesture, one that Hajime's never received before, that it almost makes Hajime glad to have set Nagito back down.]
I-It's not about having a lot of guts or anything... You wanted me to help you up, so I thought... [He lets out a short sigh.] Sorry. I should have realized it might make you feel uncomfortable.
[As he takes heavy, supportive steps toward the door, it comes to Hajime's awareness that his hand is pressing flatly into Nagito's side, rigidly, like Hajime's trying to pushing him off. Which, obviously, he definitely isn't trying to do, and wouldn't even consider doing right now - but if Hajime's hand was any more rigid than this, Nagito might actually think Hajime's trying to push him back.
Picking up Nagito was surprisingly easy enough, but keeping his hand where Nagito's taken it and set it? On Nagito's waist? He almost wants to drop his hand away, because he-- he's worried it won't be long until his hand starts easing into Nagito's side, as it really wants to - and though Hajime knows he'll be able to stop himself from doing anything weird, a part of him really does want to draw his thumb in circles, and small spirals, along Nagito's side.
He wants to, but he won't. He can't. This isn't the time for that. The most he can do right now is support Nagito, keep him steady and from falling, as he leads him to the mess hall for something to eat and drink. It's well past midnight, so the lights should be off and there shouldn't be anyone else there, which is ideal right now.
Hajime walks Nagito through the frame between the pod room and the corridor, and heads in the direction of the hall. Underfoot, the lino makes a squeaking sound every few steps or so, and the light overhead is a huge, white glare on the eyes. Even Hajime's squinting a little.]
Sorry about the lights. I'd turn them out, but they come on automatically and the switch is in the boiler room... I can see, though, and I know where we're going, so, um. If you want to shut your eyes and trust me to lead the way, you-- you can. We should be in the hall pretty soon.
...Uh, but if I'm going too fast, or you want to pause for a moment, just say so and I'll stop, okay?
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[RYSLIG/Closed] non-canon PSL w/ Atem
So caught up in his fluttering feelings and bashful retelling of things Komaeda had, wholly, assumed would forever stay in the dark, he doesn't realize what's going on with Atem until he's already being taken by the jaw. It startles him, only for a split second, as the surprise that widens his already overlarge eyes by a fraction quickly melts away to reveal something else.
There's a hot spark of excitement running under his skin like a current, only fueled more by how intense the look that Atem wears is. Did he enjoy hearing such stories? It almost feels like a miracle. Komaeda has never really talked about his fantasies so boldly before, not even with Lila, so to see with his own eyes how well received they are mixes an odd sense of relief with his own greedy want for more of that. He wants to be desired and loved so badly, that it consumes him. More than that, the thought of being of use to the person he loves is...]
That's another question, [he tries to sound coy when he says it, but his own racing heart is undoing it so easily. When he swallows, he feels the way his jaw muscles tense under that commanding touch,] shouldn't it be my wish, now?
[It's a game, after all.]
(X) continue
[Atem holds them there for a moment, feeling the fluttering heartbeat. He doesn't really like the idea of using Komaeda as a thing and not a person, but he good as has his answer...maybe he'll dig into it later. For now, though, he has to respect the rules....]
Okay. You're right -- it's your turn!
[His hand moves to let go, but not in any hurry; Atem's fingers trail down Komaeda's throat and collarbone before they finally break contact.]
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Komaeda doesn't dislike it, per se, but maybe deep down he knows that the longer he stalls this out, the more likely he'll be able to keep Atem by his side—and maybe convince him otherwise of his world ending plans.
For now, though, he focuses on the fingers that trail down his throat. Claws barely scrape his scales, tickle close to the tender flesh around his gills that flare outward, as if they're shivering. The blue flush that claims his skin crawls lower, coloring in the wake of Atem's touch.]
My next wish... Is to know what you've imagined doing with me.
[A pause, and then he clears his throat, tearing his gaze away from Atem's.]
It doesn't have to be dirty, or anything! I just... Want to know what you've imagined being in a relationship together to be like.
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[He shuts his eyes.]
It's a bit dirty.
I think about...how, instead of fighting with you, I could kiss you instead. It makes me want to get a little rough...I want to push you around, but you don't make it too easy. I want to leave bite marks, so you don't forget what happened, or that I did it. I want to pull your hair!
[He gazes up at Komaeda then, and the look in his eyes is full of surprisingly sincere longing for such a violent confession.]
I want to fight...the kind of fight we both win.
[And then, maybe Atem would hold Komaeda the way Komaeda wants.
Then, though, Atem looks down and away.]
Besides that...I want you along with me, beside me, while I dig my hands into Ryslig and pull out all the good things it has, one last time. I wouldn't want to if I were alone...but, with you by my side, I do. It's only worth it if I experience it with you...
[He brings his froggy feet up closer to himself, Komaeda's tail tucked between thighs and torso, and rests his arms on his knees.]
So...traveling together, as more than friends. That's what I've imagined.
[And, you know, the dirty stuff.]
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Komaeda swallows again, and though they remain cuddled close between his tail and the tender curve of Atem's arm around his waist, he's grateful to be looking away with embarrassment already. Surely, if he had been looking the other in the eyes when he said all of that, he would've died.
It's not just about a playful competition, though. Atem wants them both to win, for them both to have fun. Whether it's something dirty, dangerous... Or something like this, where it's both of those things, while also being something softer...
He can still feel his heart racing, and the way his mouth is getting drier, despite the water that still clings to their scales. Of all the people Atem would want to be with right now, he only ever wanted... him? It's like a sensory overload, to hear words of such deep affection, that it fills him with a loathing for all the months he spent in the Sea of Stars.
If only he could've returned sooner.]
...I like it when you bite me. [He admits, though it had only ever been his wrist the one time.] And I like playing games with you. I like that we can both go all out, and we don't have to worry, as long as we keep our hearts and bodies safe.
[Komaeda, with great effort, wills himself to return his gaze to Atem's. Beneath the heavy furrow of his brow, his eyes look like deep pools of water.]
I wish we could stay like this forever, Atem-kun.
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[The reproach in Atem's tone isn't harsh, but it is unyielding.
Atem still has no intention of allowing forever to happen. This is stolen time, borrowed, a ticking clock before Ryslig burns, the breath in before the trigger is pulled. The retort is a gentle (for him, for this situation) reminder that his mind hasn't changed and that that's a wish that won't be granted just as much as it's a reminder of the game's rules, if not more so. Komaeda's gaze is captivating, beautiful, but its pull isn't enough to divert Atem from the gravity-well of absolute hopelessness that has him in its grip.
Komaeda can wish for that, when his turn comes around again...but it won't get him anywhere. It'll be a symbolic move, but nothing else.]
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At the end of the day, he doesn't want Atem to suffer—but he also knows this isn't the right path. A path of world-ending despair doesn't truly promise hope at its end. Especially not when it's wrought by the hands of someone who's currently so much like his past self.
Komaeda turns his gaze away from Atem, and looks down at his lap, where his thumb has been rubbing circles over the face of one of the gold coins. He stares at it a moment longer, and then sets it aside in the sand.]
What's your question, Atem-kun?
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[The atmosphere doesn't make Atem really want to ask more personal questions, yet...so, his next request is something different.]
Come to Amusement Mile with me. That's my wish! I've been waiting to go on a date with you for too long, and there's no point to the clothes I put you in if we spend all our time swimming.
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Sure, anything you want, Atem-kun.
[But his tone is still a little less enthused than it was a moment before—he can't help his growing upset at the thought that these moments will have an end.
For Atem's sake, though, he'll try not to dwell on it for too long. It does mean, however, that he's going to unwrap his tail from around the other's hip so that he can get up and walk himself over to where he'd left his folded clothes.]
Is Amusement Mile far from here?